


When Nothing Matters

by sonlali



Series: Matters of the Heart [2]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Drug Use, Gen, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 17:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20344222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali
Summary: David is at a club and experiences a panic attack, but he doesn't know what's happening.





	When Nothing Matters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [olivebranchesandredwine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivebranchesandredwine/gifts).

> This is for Dr. Olive, who wanted a very angsty panic attack to wallow in. I hope this is angsty enough for you. <3
> 
> For everyone else: this is not a hurt/comfort. This is just hurt and angst. TW for panic attack, anxiety, vomiting, drugs, and alcohol. Read with caution and take care of yourselves.

The music in the club is too loud. It’s simultaneously too dark and too bright with flashing strobe lights making everything look slightly off-center and fuzzy. It’s too hot. If you had asked David just an hour ago if wearing his new Givenchy sweater to a club in the dead of summer would be worth it, he would have said that sometimes fashion is suffering. Now he just wants to rip it from his body Hulk-style. 

He had lost Erika in the club almost immediately after entering. He hadn’t even wanted to come out tonight, but they had only been dating for a couple weeks and he so badly wanted her to like him. 

Someone rams into David’s shoulder on their way to the bar. David loses his balance and spins on the spot to keep from falling. He feels his stomach turn as he tries to reorient himself in the cloud of cheap cologne left by the gorilla who had knocked into him. His head is spinning and his stomach starts churning. _What the fuck did Erika give me?_

Before they entered the club, Erika had insisted David take some pills. “You need to lighten up, David. You’re always so up-tight. Take these.”

David had swallowed them without question. Now he is wondering what they were. He throws back the rest of his drink to drown out that worry. David takes a deep breath and regrets it immediately as the mixture of body odor, fruity cocktails, and that fucking cheap cologne brings bile up his throat. Breathing through his mouth, David shoves his way through the mass of bodies to try to locate Erika. 

He finally finds her dancing between two extremely attractive men. When she spots him, Erika grabs him by the arm and drags him into the middle of the grinding bodies. 

“David!” She’s shouting, but David can still barely hear her above the thrum of the music. Erika kisses him sloppily before shoving him in the direction of one of the dancing men. Without preamble, the man shoves his tongue down David’s throat. 

David is uncomfortable but decides to just roll with it as the man grabs a handful of his ass. The man pulls away and shoves him back in the direction of Erika who pushes him up against a wall and kisses him with a bruising force. 

Minutes or perhaps hours pass and David can feel sweat pooling in the small of his back. He can barely stand up straight, much less continue this highly energetic makeout session. David gently pushes Erika backwards and shouts, “How about another drink?”

They make their way back in the general direction of the bar, and David feels like he is wading through molasses. Someone steps on his shoe, and David opens his mouth to shout _these are brand new Rick Owens hightops, so kindly watch where the fuck you’re going with your enormous elephant feet thankyouverymuch._ But instead he lets out a loud belch. 

“Eurghhh,” David groans inelegantly. He abandons his trek to the bar and turns to find a bathroom. He scans the crowded club frantically for any sign of a bathroom. He absently notes that Erika is on the floor dancing again. He didn’t even realize she was no longer following him. 

David belches again and tastes bile. There’s no sign of a bathroom anywhere. _Surely that violates some sort of health code._ The glowing neon “EXIT” sign catches David’s eye, and he shoves his way out the door. And not a moment too soon. He’s barely out the door before he’s retching up the entire contents of his stomach. 

When his stomach finally stops heaving, David straightens up and takes several deep breaths. He can still hear the thumping bass from inside the club. He can still smell the sickeningly sweet cocktails and that goddamn cheap cologne from that one man in the club. Maybe all the men are wearing that cologne. David’s nose feels filled with the smell.

Everything feels too much. There’s too much noise, too much smell, too many flashing lights. He’s not even in the club anymore, but when he closes his eyes, he still sees flashing bursts of color. 

Suddenly his head is spinning. He briefly thinks he might vomit again when his stomach flips and churns. His heart is beating far too quickly. _What the fuck is happening?_ His ears are ringing and the tips of his fingers are tingling. 

“I’m fucking dying!” He didn’t even realize he had said it out loud until he hears someone call out “Nobody fucking cares!”

He’s dying and nobody cares. His brain begins to spin with dozens of thoughts, one stampeding after the other. _Why does nobody care? What the fuck did Erika give me? Is it killing me? Did I take a lethal dose? Did she purposely give me a lethal dose? Is she trying to kill me? Did someone in the club spike my drink? What is happening?_

He tries to take a deep breath, but it feels like there’s a heavy weight on his chest. His skin is crawling. It feels like his bones are vibrating. David has no idea how much time has passed. Has he been standing out here dying for minutes, hours, days? And nobody cares. Nobody notices and nobody cares. 

He can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He can feel his blood pulsing through his veins. He wants to scream, but he feels trapped and powerless in his own body. 

“David, there you are! Why the fuck are you out here?” It’s Erika and she looks pissed off. 

David desperately wants her to hold him, to tell him it’ll be okay, to stroke his hair until everything stops being so much. But she just glares at him.

“What’s the matter with you?” Her voice hits him like a slap.

David wants to shout _I don’t know!!!_ But all that comes out is a ragged sob. 

“God, David, you’re such a mess.” Distantly, as if through a fog, David sees her take out her phone. _Yes, she’s calling a taxi. Or maybe an ambulance. Anything, please, anything._

“Hey, where you at? I’m at The Electric... The Electric!... Yeah, that one… Nah, I’m not here with anyone.” David can only hear one half of the conversation, but it’s enough. 

When Erika hangs up, she turns back to face David. Her dark, wild curls are blowing in the wind. Normally he thinks her hair is beautiful. Now, as she glares at him impatiently, David imagines her curls as snakes springing madly from her skull. 

“You good to get yourself home?” she says, and David is still dying, but what else can he do but nod. 

She turns and heads back into the club. David stands on the sidewalk resigning himself to death. 

_What the fuck is the matter with me?_

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi @landofsonlali on tumblr <3


End file.
